Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The camera

This dream was very strange.  I was rushing through my grandmother's house and looking to use the shower before leaving to teach my bellydance class.  The rooms were all being destroyed by my uncles, aunts, and cousins- they were ripping off the wallpaper, tearing up the carpets, unscrewing closet doors... chaos... I trying so very hard not to show my outrage and just smile and move on.
Then I went into her bedroom: it was completely re-done.  Everything new- but not at all as a grandmother's bedroom "should" be.  It was a huge room open to the sky, made from these rough cut cement blocks that looked like they were sealed in some white iridescent sealer.  Very modern, minimalist, and rail-less stairs in two directions leading up to a bathroom, crossing eachother, playing a trick on the eyes of being wavy.  I turned around and around and thought- "this is not a bedroom, this looks like a prison".  I could not deny it was beautiful but not for what it was supposed to be.  I was disturbed.  For some reason I felt the need to take a photo of it on my camera phone.  But when I took the photo and looked at how it turned out- there was this beautiful Tabora-esque vista of the coastline on my phone.  "what?!"
I looked up to see where that view was, that I didn't see it when I looked through the view finder.
I couldn't see it- just a gray misty blank page of a sky beyond the cement block walls.
I tried again to take a photo of what I was seeing.
Again, on my phone there was the most gorgeous pink and orange pastel sunset, surreal and serene.
I could not see what the phone saw with my naked eyes.  
"The flash must be cutting through the mist and capturing what is behind it somehow" I figured
But then I had to rush off to class without a shower because I wasted too much time and would be late- Scarlet Johansen was my student and I didn't want to keep her waiting. (???? yeah, I know, right?)

It was like I couldn't see the beauty right in front of me- because I was so upset that it wasn't the way I wanted it, that it had changed from what I thought it should be, I couldn't appreciate how breathtaking the view truly was- I was completely blind to reality.  *sigh* What a lesson.

You know in that movie Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio how just one small idea changes everything and completely drives his wife's life.  I feel like I keep waiting for that one small idea- that idea that is going to change everything and make me live my life with focus & drive & motivate me to "make it Happen".  I don't why or when or how I think this will happen but I keep feeling like something out there will make all the difference and once I unlock what that is- it will all make perfect sense and I won't be able to NOT live in accordance to that revelation.  I know this is kind of vague- but it IS vague- it is this feeling I have.

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